What Was That Again?: In Which We Reminisce a Lot and Cry Only a Little and Allison Takes Sister Liljenquist With Her on a New Adventure

Holy tamole, y'all. The end is nigh - it's real. And guess what?

WE MADE IT!

The big picture is really overwhelming as you're serving, and you try not to think of the end. I've never gone home from a mission before - I don't know what this is like. We've done all we can to work hard this week, but basically everything fell apart, so it was a wee bit frustrating.

Saturday was pretty cool, though. We were really frustrated as we planned on Friday because there was nothing to do, so we called one of our Zone Leaders, Elder Field, who's coming home with us, and asked for advice. He asked what we'd always wanted to do as a missionary and then challenged us to do it. Mine was to contact people from the car at red lights... but every single light was green on 1960.

Every.

Single.

Light.

The chances of that happening are - there's no comparison. It doesn't happen. So I figured it was a sign and didn't do it.

Sister Hudgens really wanted to take a dog contacting, so we called Sister Grabau (who is ADORABLE, by the way,) and asked if she'd like to bring her new puppy contacting with us. We went to a park and found a group of teenagers playing volleyball. Rufus worked his magic, they all came over to see him, and we ended up crashing John's 15th birthday party.

We talked to these kids for 2 hours about the gospel, y'all. It was so cool, I can't even handle it. They all went to different churches, but they knew the Mortensens' daughter and we talked about the differences in our beliefs, asked us about what we really believe, and everything in between. It was just the coolest thing - an excellent way to spend our last full missionary day.

"Behold, I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part which I feel."

I wish more than anything that I could sit down with each of you and just talk about everything I've learned. I wish there was a way to really express everything. I studied Alma 26 yesterday morning and thought that I might have Ammon's help to tell what I can.

"My brothers [and sisters] and my brethren [and sisters], behold I say unto you, how great reason have we to rejoice; for could we have supposed when we started from the land of Zarahemla that God would have granted unto us such great blessings?"

I never could have imagined when I turned in my papers almost 2 years ago what all of this would mean. There is so much that happens as a missionary that I couldn't have understood before. Blessings that I may not have even recognized as blessings before I donned that black nametag.

"And this is the blessing which hath been bestowed upon us,that we have been made instruments in the hands of God to bring about this great work."

I don't think I ever could have known how much joy there is in helping the Lord in His work. It's something that's hard to explain - it's hard. It's depressing, it hurts, and a lot of the time it leads to heartbreak. At the same time, those deep sorrows lead to even greater joys.

"But behold, they are in the hands of the Lord of the harvest, and they are his."

People have asked what my favorite thing about my mission has been, and without hesitation I tell them about the people. I look at these amazing, incredible human beings that I have been privileged to work with, and I have no idea why the Lord trusted me with them. There is so much joy in the knowledge that those I love and now have to leave are safe in His hands.

"Because of the power of his word which is in us"

As I look back at the last 18 months, the thing I see most is the Lord's hand in all I've done. At the time I was right in the middle of it - I couldn't understand why things were happening, and why it wasn't turning out just like I wanted it to. With this bigger perspective, though, I can see the way things worked together, and the way that He has truly taught me, "line upon line, precept upon precept." (D&C 98:12) There was a lot of excavating to be done - habits and struggles that I didn't realize needed help, all torn all over the place. I couldn't have understood when I was in those pits that the Lord was teaching me how to get out of them - and not only that, but how to fill them in.

"And we have suffered all manner of afflictions, and all this,that perhaps we might be the means of saving some soul; and we supposed that our joy would be full if perhaps we could be the means of saving some."

I never would have imagined how hard this would be - ever. I've been brought to my breaking point again, and again, and again - and then again. As I see the results, though, I'd do it again if I needed to. I'd do it for Megan and Tim, and for Tara, and for the Rodgers, and for the Ellsworths, and for Tammy - I'd do anything I needed, because it's all worth it. Down on the bottom of that list is me - if nothing else, my soul has been saved, that perhaps I can be more worthy to save another.

"There were never men [or Sisters] that had so great reason to rejoice as we"

I feel like I really know now what it means for your heart to be full. There is so much good, and so much love, and so much light and happiness that have come because of all that's happened here. I feel like my soul has grown - I can see more, feel more, understand more, and what's incredible is that there's always more room to grow! I've seen a lot of what the Lord sees in me - the potential that I have and His unwavering support and promise to help me get there, no matter the cost.

"Now if this is boasting, even so will I boast; for this is my life and my light, my joy and my salvation, and my redemption from everlasting wo."

Oh, how I love my Father, and how I love my Savior. This is it - this is all we need. I know it's true more than I know anything else. I know that my Savior loves me, and " I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine to rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine, that he should extend his great love unto such as I, sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify." His grace is sufficient. His love is sufficient. Even "if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee," (D&C 122:7) He is right next to us. Every. Time. Joseph Smith was and is a prophet, and this is Christ's church - all of it. Everything we need to become as He is is here. The Book of Mormon is "the most correct of any book on earth, and the keystone of our religion, and a man would get nearer to God by abiding by its precepts, than by any other book." There is power in that book, and we can gain this power if we will only take it into our hearts.

"Now this is my joy, and my great thanksgiving; yea, and I will give thanks unto my God forever."

I'll be honest - I'm kind of terrified to come home. The person I am now has no idea how to be a real person, and how to continue growing with all of the distractions that the world has to offer. I know though - I know - that with my God's help, I can do anything. I can never express the gratitude I have to Them, but I can "thrust in [my] sickle and reap with all [my] heart, might, mind, and strength." (D&C 33:7) And I plan on doing so.

I love y'all. Thank you so much for all of your prayers and letters and emails and good vibes - I am completely positive that without all those behind me, I wouldn't have made it. This is for you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

"I had many things to write, but I will not with ink and pen write unto thee:
But I trust I shall shortly see thee, and we shall speak face to face. Peace be to thee. Our friends salute thee. Greet the friends by name." (3 John 1:13-14)

With All the Love in My Heart,

Sister Allison Liljenquist

Texas Houston Mission

The district.